Another year, another collection of turkeys to get their feathers ruffled by Dustin, the most revolutionary beast to make it from Ballybrack in a rundown Hiace.  We love Dustin round here not least because, like Zig & Zag were, he has an appeal far beyond the tots who tune in and drop everything for The Den. 

A track like "Born Greasy" (Underworld's "Born Slippy" re-arranged for burgers and chips) is a masterstroke, a bit of repainting Dustin himself couldn't find fault with.  An array of chancers (Joe Dolan, Ronan Keating and Linda Martin) try to muscle in but to no avail.  Who the hell do they think they are anyway?  When Dustin is in the studio, there is only one star.  Let's hope he survives the next couple of weeks. 

The Turkey has survived another Christmas.  Muse feather-plucker Donal Scannell goes undercover to a secret location to talk turkey with the farmyard Joe Dolan, Dustin The Turkey.

Dustin's had another great year as Ireland's foulest TV personality. Following the great tradition of TV stars who sing - Robson and Jerome, Michael Ball, Mike Murphy - Dustin has had even more success in the pop world. Certainly, his "FAITH OF OUR FEATHERS" album did us all a favour by making sure Garth Brooks stayed well away from Number one.

Christmas as you can expect is a tough time for turkeys, hence the elaborate lengths we had to endure in order to gain an audience with Ireland's most wanted. Coded instructions directed us to take the number 10 bus and meet him somehwere that would be deadly quiet - Dustin suggested the Chris De Burgh appreciation society Christmas social which was suitably empty.

After a friendly greeting and firm handshake I remark to Dustin that he's looking well for a Turkey at this delicate time of year.  "Thanks for noticing Donie", comes the reply, "Obviously at Christmas I have to watch what I eat because everybody loves a plump turkey - I mean just look at Derek Davis. I have to look after myself at Christmas, just keep the high ball low and keep out of people's way. I hang around vegetarian clubs and Leitrim - where they haven't invented turkeys yet."

But Dustin, surely as Ireland's most prominent turkey you can use your influence to stop this ridiculous annual slaughter of your peers?  "The turkey thing has been something my poultry party have been campaigning about and we've been helped by other high profile turkeys like Pat Kenny and Pat O'Mahony. Vegetarianism is on the increase but it's not growing fast enough - I lost four of my mates last Christmas. People don't consider this. We have to stop this, but the time you have to stop this is Christmas and I'm going around shouting about I'll only get myself noticed and get plucked."